What To Say Now: Episode 6 - Real Estate Script To Help Change Minds With Compassion
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Brian Rayl (00:12): All right, and we're live.
Dan Stewart (00:14): All right. Fantastic. How are you, Brian?
Brian Rayl (00:16): I'm doing great, Dan. How are you?
Dan Stewart (00:18): Awesome. Doing well. Welcome, everyone, to Episode number six of What To Say Now. This is your weekly web show where we tackle the really challenging stuff when it comes to interpersonal communication, both one to one and one to many. We believe that the world gets better through conversation, so we're inviting you today to join us as we have one about those really sticky, hard to handle, cringe-worthy conversations that we find ourselves in from time to time. Can you relate to that?
Brian Rayl (00:51): It's going on right now.
Dan Stewart (00:52): Yeah. Have you had a few of those?
Brian Rayl (00:55): One or two, maybe.
Dan Stewart (00:56): Just a couple here or there?
Brian Rayl (00:58): Yeah.
Dan Stewart (00:58): Well, I mean, they can happen to all of us in our businesses, right? From time to time, we've got, maybe it's an employee or a partner, and they're engaging in something in a way that we feel, ah, we need to respond. We need to respond instantly, and get them to change that behavior. And that's a critical moment. It's a critical moment in your business, for sure. Another example, happy Father's Day, by the way, to all of the other dads out there. I've got three kids, and when you're in the process of raising children, you run into all sorts of those critical corrective conversations.
Dan Stewart (01:40): You know you'd like your child to behave one way, and yet they're behaving a completely different way. So what we're going to talk about today is a framework where, whether it's a business conversation or a personal conversation, you're going to have the tools that you need to be able to engage with that person the right way, and help them see it from a different perspective. Does that sound useful, Brian?
Brian Rayl (02:02): Absolutely.
Dan Stewart (02:03): Yeah. And here's my phone ringing. Let me just go ahead and turn that off. All right. So yeah, it's absolutely useful. There's all sorts of times this can be useful for us in our careers, in our businesses, and most especially, at home with our family. So do you have a behavior someone in your life is exhibiting, Brian, that you'd just like to change? Is there a scenario where, either in business or your personal life, you're just like, I need to say something, and I don't know quite what?
Brian Rayl (02:36): All day, every day. You see these conversations all the time on Facebook, and you're like, maybe it's best that I just bypass that and keep scrolling. In the real estate industry, everyone does everything their own way, and really, really frustrating. One of the examples that you shared earlier, which I mean is golden, because it happens all the time is, hey, this is Brian. I was wondering if you could show me a home. We're sitting in front of it. Would you be able to show this to me in five, 10, 15 minutes?
Dan Stewart (03:15):
Don't you just love that, listing agents, right? It's great. Yay, there's a buyer who's interested in the property, and oh, gosh, they're not giving you any kind of heads up. And despite the fact you filled out the showing instructions, despite the fact you've told them exactly what the process should be, they're doing something completely different. So that's a good example, right?
Brian Rayl (03:34): Yeah.
Dan Stewart (03:34): So if you find yourself in that situation as the listing agent, here's a framework that I'm going to teach you that is going to be useful for resolving that. Okay? It's called When You, that's step one, I Feel, step two, and then step three is Because. So When You, I Feel, Because. So easy to remember, right? So now you can just slot in any situation and we'll use this as an example.
Dan Stewart (04:04): So in this case, Brian, I'm the listing agent and you're the buyer's agent. You've got people there. You're ready. And you go, "Oh gosh, Brian, I love the fact that you've got people who are interested in my home. That's fantastic. The issue is that when you only give us a few minutes notice, I feel like neither of us are really in a great position to get this home sold, because we're just not giving the seller a chance to get out, a chance to make sure that the house is in the best condition possible. So what I'd really love is if you could just take a peek at those showing instructions so we can give our seller time to make sure that your buyers are going to see the home in its best possible condition. Does that sound okay?"
Dan Stewart (04:43): Right? It's much better way to bring that person around than just starting to have these objections. So let's talk about why that works. The reason the When You, I Feel, Because communication framework is effective is because it gives the person an out. You're not calling them names. You're not creating a scenario for them where they feel painted in a corner. In fact, you're helping them understand how it's in their best interest to see things your way. So what other examples do we have, Brian? Where else in your life are you running into that issue?
Brian Rayl (05:26): Well, with all of this stuff going on, obviously we're all working from home a lot, and one of the things that really frustrates me is when my wife will come in and be like, hey, do you mind making lunch? Or can you run and do this errand for me real quick? I'm like, it's one o'clock in the afternoon, and I'm trying to work. I have this job that I've got to do, and sometimes... Oh, well you're at home, so you're not really working, right? I'm sure there's a lot of people out there that are getting that right now. So what would be a great way to overcome something like that?
Dan Stewart (06:13): Well, this is where learning happens, right? It's when you start to apply it yourself. So When You, I Feel, Because. So in the When You spot, that's where you insert the behavior, right? And you just want to re-explain that, so when you open the office door and you ask me if I can run an errand, I feel... Right? And then that's where you state exactly that, how that makes you feel. I feel a great sense of pressure, because I love you and I care about you, and yeah, I'd love to serve us by running that errand right now, however, I also feel like if I don't take care of this business, we're going to have more trouble. So I'd really appreciate it if we can engage at a scheduled time. When You, I Feel, Because. Right?
Brian Rayl (07:05): Very nice. Yeah. There's a lot of research around the use of the word because, and it's amazing. I saw one study where, essentially, what they did was they went to a grocery store. They had two items in their hand and they would go and ask, "Hey, do you mind if I cut in front of you?" And they would do that for 20, 50 people. And then they would change it up and say, "Hey, do you mind if I cut in front of you, because I've only got two items, and I'm really in a hurry."
Dan Stewart (07:42): Yeah. I'm familiar with that. I love that study, because it shows it doesn't have to be a good reason. You just have to have a reason.
Brian Rayl (07:50): And it was like, when you use the word because, 90% of people were okay with it. When you didn't use the word because, only 33% allowed them to go in front, or something. I mean, there was just like a crazy difference.
Dan Stewart (08:04): It makes a big difference. Yeah. People are willing to put up with almost anything, as long as you create expectations and give them a reason. So there's all sorts of ways you can leverage what we're teaching here. When You, I Feel, Because, it can work for you in situations like, well, let's use customer service as an example. Have you ever had an issue with a company? Can't imagine that. I mean, none of us have ever had a problem with something being on our American Express charge that we didn't actually purchase. There's all sorts of things that we run into in life. And I'll tell you that having hired a number of contractors over the years, when you're working with a construction professional, there's often opportunities to use this kind of language.
Dan Stewart (08:57): So maybe you've sat down with the general contractor and you've agreed what's going to happen, and then that message didn't get communicated to the subcontractors. Maybe you've hired a staging company or a photographer. They're involved now at your listing, and you and the seller have had a conversation about how that's supposed to go, and you've got to now get this third party to do it the way that you want it to be done instead of the way they traditionally do. So that's a great place to insert the When You, I Feel, Because framework. It can be very, very effective for you in that scenario. So, I hope that that's helpful for you. I'm sure that it will be if you put it to use.
Dan Stewart (09:44): And I want to point out just a couple of things here while we've got the time, Brian. Let's be sure to mention what we've got coming up. Okay?
Brian Rayl (09:53): All right.
Dan Stewart (09:55): Towards the end of the month, Tuesday, the 27th, I believe, I have a special guest who's going to be joining us, and I'm excited about this guy. His name is Andre Lujan, and he owns a company called Shore Capital. So if you're in the real estate space, and you'd like to consider getting a mortgage license so that you can earn a commission for the mortgage work as well as the real estate work, you should definitely attend this. And I love this issue because when I asked about it previously, I have people in the group who say things like, I love it, that would be fantastic, sign me up. And I have others who are like, not only would I not do it, it's unethical, it's illegal, and it's just plain wrong. So I can't wait to have Andre on live so we can ask him about these things, face to face. So, Brian, do you have anything else you'd like to add today?
Brian Rayl (10:49): You mean people on Facebook are very extreme to either end? No.
Dan Stewart (10:54): Yeah, can you imagine? Just crazy. All right, guys.
Brian Rayl (11:00): We've had several webinars. We're in the process of updating our site to make it much more user friendly, speed friendly and everything. We've got a lot of webinars that we're getting posted up there that we've had in the past that have been great. So we'll share a link with those when they're ready for prime time. We've got a lot of stuff going on and it's going to be a really exciting next couple of weeks.
Dan Stewart (11:27): Cool. There's a lot of good stuff in the hopper. And I want to say hello to a few of our friends who are logged in right now, so big shout out to Anthony Malafronte, yes, sir, we can get together for those beers in the very near future. I promise. Ryan Bokros, I will clean out a stall for you at a moment's notice. You're welcome to come to Tampa. Bring the COVID with you. We'll get along just fine. It'd be great. And Mike Prudente, I see you there, my brother. I do. When You, I Feel, Because is going to help you like you can't even imagine, the next time you're dealing with hotel staff that just doesn't want to get things set up the right way for the event. So that's all good language stuff, and I hope that you'll find it helpful. Oh, Amanda Thomas is here, too. Give a big shout out to Amanda.
Dan Stewart (12:12): So, great to see you guys today. I'll look forward to the next episode of What To Say Now. We will be live every Monday at 2:00 PM Eastern time. I encourage you to join the What To Say Now Facebook group, which is up at facebook.com/groups/whattosaynow. Myself and my writing staff, we pay attention to that group 24 hours a day. We do not sleep, and whenever you have any kind of communication issue, maybe you've got a letter you need to write, maybe you're having difficulty getting the response you're hoping for from a segment of your database. Post the question in there. We're all over it. We'll get that resolved for you.
Brian Rayl (12:52): Absolutely.
Dan Stewart (12:52): Until next week, I'm Dan Stewart, signing out. Thank you for coming today. And Brian, thank you very much for joining me.
Brian Rayl (13:00): Any time, Dan. My pleasure.
Dan Stewart (13:07): All right. Bye, everybody.
Brian Rayl (13:20): Bye, guys.