What To Say Now: Episode # - Topic or Title

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Dan Stewart (00:00): Hey everybody. Welcome. It's episode number 37 of What to Say Now. My name's Dan Stewart. Every week, Tuesday at 2:00 PM Eastern, we get together to discuss the things that are very important to you in the advancement of your career. Today we have a very special two-part session. First of all, we're going to start out by talking about how we make things right after we've screwed things up. Think about it, if you're going to live for any length of time, at some point or other, you're going to drop the ball. You're going to slip up. You're going to make a mistake. There are a few things that we just have to acknowledge as part of this. One, it's innate to the human condition. Whenever you've slipped up and you've made a mistake somewhere in your career, just go ahead and take a deep breath and say, "I'm not the only person who's ever made a mistake here." If we can disengage that ego for a moment, and push it aside and say, "All right. I'm a human being among billions of other human beings. We all make mistakes at some point or another." What we're doing is we're deescalating the emotion that's involved in that situation.

Dan Stewart (01:28): That's really important, because if you've ever faced an angry client, if you've got someone whose so wrapped up emotionally that they're bringing you all this rancor, this pain, and they're expressing it all at you, it's very tempting. Your natural response is going to be to feel that internal pressure rise, and you're going to want to fire back. I'm telling you, the best way you can respond is to simply listen to what they've said, repeat it back to them, and then plainly state your perspective on the matter. For example, if someone says, "I'm so upset with you because of X, Y, and Z." Your response should be, "I see. You're really upset with me because of X, Y, and Z." Very even keeled. They're right. We're not, "Oh, you're upset with me about that?" We're not acting from that perspective. We're reacting from a place of calm and confidence, which allows us to restore some credibility. Then, we have to go about making things right. This is the second part of handling these challenges when they pop up for us. This, to me, is my favorite part because part of my core belief system is that we each have a responsibility to continue to improve throughout our lives.

Dan Stewart (02:52): It gets stale and boring if we're not continually growing and improving. The place that we often get to figure out where we need to improve is where we're screwing up. The world is arranged in such a way that when we let people down, we often hear about it. I'll tell you I've been a business owner for more than 20 years. I would love to tell you that absolutely every client I've ever served in all that time, everything went just as smoothly as possible. Yet, that's not true. Sometimes it's circumstances that are beyond our control, and yet we have to deal with them. Other times we can very honestly look at the situation and say, "Ah. This is a real opportunity for learning and improvement." This person isn't happy here because of this thing, which is in our control. We can fix that thing and move into a much better space. Those are my thoughts for today, guys. Again, I want to framework here. One, we deescalate the situation, whatever it is you're encountering, however angrily it is that you're reacting, your job is to listen, to reflect back to them so that they understand you're paying attention to them. Then reiterate that situation so they know for sure you actually care and want to help resolve the issue. Second, and this has done post, this is after, you need to go back through and ask yourself, "How could I have done this better?"

Dan Stewart (04:29): This, brings me to a little special bonus section that we're going to talk about today. I have a friend, a client, a buddy, Eddie Campos. He's at RE/MAX Preferred in Toledo, Ohio. Part of my good buddy, John Mangas and Kathy Kuyoth's real estate brokerage. Eddie is an awesome guy. He's a warm, caring, loving human being, who's sincerely dedicated to doing everything he can to make the people in his life benefit from his experiences, capability to help. That's no small feat. Everyone in this industry is "a fiduciary." Some people take that a bit more seriously than others. Knowing Eddie personally, it shows up in his life in ways that go beyond the transaction. Recently he reached out to me to ask for help with the situation he found himself in. What happened is he has a past client whose spouse has passed away. As you might do, he kept in touch with them during the health decline, then he attended the funeral. Then, of course, sometime later he gets a reminder that it's the client's birthday. He wants to reach out and express happy birthday, and he also really feels the need to express condolences to this person who's just suffered the tragic loss of their spouse.

Dan Stewart (05:59): He sends the message and then doesn't get a reply. That's an interesting point. What do you do? You've got to recognize on one side, this is a human who's in pain. Someone you care about that you want to help. Yet, at the same time, as a real estate professional, you don't want them to misunderstand your outreach as being in any way about the possibility of listing their home. They're engaged in an emotional process. Even though it may be very necessary for that person to actually sell their home, my advice to you, Eddie, would be to specifically reach out about things that have nothing to do with real estate right now. I read the message that you sent for her birthday, and it was heartfelt and it was touching. Yet, I thought if I had received that message, it's a reminder of my loss. It's a reminder of my pain. I know from having gone through the grieving process, sometimes you want to be able to just engage with someone where it's not all about that loss and all about that pain. My advice to you would be to find some things you know about this person that you can use to just start a conversation without talking about the obvious. It'll come around to that over time.

Dan Stewart (07:26): Those are my tips for today. It is now seven after two, we're doing real well, we're right on time. I want to thank those of you who are attending and watching this live. As always, thank you to those of you who are watching in syndication. Be sure to join What to Say Now on Facebook. It's facebook.com/groups/what to say now. That's where you can post your communication questions. Myself and my team of writers at Happy Grasshopper will answer them. As always, I really sincerely appreciate the opportunity to serve. Thank you for attending today. If I can help you in any way, you know what to do. Reach out. Talk soon. Bye.